Let’s face it guys, ours is a lost generation of men. And with good reason. The majority of us had fathers who traded time for dollars and were rarely around for us. For others, dad was checked out altogether.
Now factor in that at least half of us are children of divorce in a system that’s heavily biased towards awarding custody to mothers, and the end result is an entire generation of emasculated men who were raised by women. So, in an effort to do my part to restore the natural balance, I ask you to set aside any latent anger I may have just incited towards your parents and delight in my list of The Top 10 Misconceptions Men Have About Women. Written by Pete Sapper
1. If I want to know what a woman wants in a man, I can just ask her! (AND … insert loud buzzer noise here) – Wrong. The majority of women, when asked about what they’re looking for in a man, will give you a typical laundry list of qualities. These usually run along the lines of “a nice guy”, “someone who’s sweet and funny” “someone who loves cats”, etc …
What this list really consists of is the surface-layer stuff that she thinks she wants. And while it’s true that she does seek these qualities on a conscious level, it won’t do you a bit of good because the fact is that women feel attraction largely on an unconscious level.
Take the whole “I just want a guy who’s nice” example. Have you ever wondered why MMA fighters, cops, firemen, etc. get hot women (even the hideous ones?). Regardless of what women say they want, you need only take a look around you to see that the ‘nice guy’ will almost always lose out to the ‘bad boy’.
The reason is simple: All women are hard-wired with the need to feel safe. And the chances that she’s going to feel any measure of safety with the typical passive, people-pleasing ‘nice guy’ whose entire life is organized around avoiding confrontontation are slim to none.
2. Women are ‘bitches’ because they always look to push their boundaries, test guys and play tons of mind games. – A woman – especially a high-value woman – is perfectly within her right to test you to see if you’re actually worthy of being with her. And the truth is, her tendency to push limits and test boundaries is also a function of her unconscious thought processes.
That means she’s not deliberately trying to mess with you!
From an evolutionary standpoint, women are hard-wired to seek out a protector – one with qualities like confidence, strength and assertiveness (take note gentlemen – these qualities are the ones that actually build attraction). So when you establish a boundary in the beginning of a relationship and then let her slide when she breaks it, you’ve essentially failed her test and shown her that the only thing you’re really worthy of being is a door mat. And rightfully so. Unlike the majority of men, women don’t reward bad behavior.
3. All men are shameless, sex-crazed, skirt chasing pigs and poor women have to put up with being hit on constantly. – (I actually wish I had a freakin’ bull-horn for this one).
Do you know what genre of books consistently outsells every other? Romance novels. Yeah – those incredibly lame paperbacks with douchebags like Fabio on the cover. Who do you think reads all those books?
Here’s a newsflash boys – women love and want sex every bit as much as men do. And if they didn’t want to be hit on and romanced, they wouldn’t have spent 4 hours putting on make-up or doing their hair and nails before going out on a Saturday night.
In reality, women are more than happy to be complicit in their own seduction, as long as you don’t go about it in the same low-value way that most guys do.
Men who have problems communicating their interest to women are typically the types that are heavily attached to the mind-virus of judgement – often to the point of assigning them numbers on a subjective value scale. Of course, it doesn’t do you much good to see her as an ‘8’ when you see yourself as a ‘4’.
Allow me to clarify: You’re the one with the problem.
4. All women are money hungry gold-diggers! – This is a popular notion that guys often use to explain away their incompetence with women.
Again, if you’d have managed to stay awake during that otherwise useless college course on human evolution, you’d know that females have been hard-wired since the age of australopithecus to seek out a male who is a competent provider.
And while it may be hard for you to accept, this is far more a means of nature ensuring the survival of a species than it is a vindictive attack on your fragile ego.
5. Since she wants a ‘provider’, I can impress her by talking about my job, family inheritance, BMW, social status, etc. These are all great ways to demonstrate the value she’s looking for! – WRONG. When you first meet a woman (and actually want her to be attracted to you), your focus and attention should be placed on her, and only on her. That means you …
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF.
… Ask her questions about what’s important to her – THEN SHUT UP AND LISTEN.
If you can’t shut your nervous yap long enough to catch the essential clues and insight she’s offering you, then you deserve the disappearing act she’s about to pull on you.
6. When we go out on dates, she’ll appreciate the fact that I give her options and ask her where she wants to go! – Translation – “I’m too much of a wussy to do my job as a man and take the lead, so I’ll place that burden squarely on her, instead.”
Unless she specifies a place or activity, do your duty as a man and take the lead for God’s sake. The same concept applies in any instance where leading is appropriate. If you don’t step up, you’ll get stepped on.
7. I don’t want to scare her off by sexually escalating too quickly. She’ll appreciate the fact that I’m taking it slow. – Here’s another delightful excuse ‘nice guys’ use to justify their cowardice and refusal to lead and pace an interaction … And they wonder why women get frustrated and lose interest.
Instead of attempting to read her mind, why not try paying attention instead? The majority of men are too tied up in their own need for approval to be aware of the obvious cues that women give them to escalate. Even worse, whenever any sexual tension is created, they ruin the moment by backing off instead of making a move.
The essential skill required to lead any interaction depends upon your ability to read the cues she’s giving you. Unlike men (who often feel the need to analyze every situation to death), what she’s looking for is spontaneity. So stop making decisions for her and start paying attention to what she wants.
8. Since women want to be appreciated, she’ll love the fact that I’m putting her on a pedestal! -This one deserves an entire article of its own because it is the absolute, number one mistake men make with women.
In fact, the tendency that modern, emasculated men have to ‘hex’ a woman by idealizing her doesn’t just cause her to lose interest in you … it completely repels her. If you make the mistake of forcing her to be the scapegoat for your low self-esteem, say goodbye to attraction for good.
9. I blame women being shallow bitches for my low self esteem! – This guy is the type who’s famous for saying things like “There’s no sense in approaching a really hot girl. She’s definitely out of my league” or “I’m in my 40’s, younger women won’t like me.”
Look around buddy. Hot women everywhere have shacked up with fat guys, ugly guys, broke guys, etc. As for you being “too old” … unless she’s a 12 year-old Justin Beiber fan, she probably swoons over guys like Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Johnny Depp. Know what they have in common? They’re all older than you are.
The men who still adhere to the ridiculous notion that women care about looks, money or any other surface layer nonsense are blind to the most wonderful thing about women …They’re not nearly as superficial as we are!
10. I have to get her to like me before she’ll find me attractive! – The majority of men who fail miserably with women do so for the same reason most people suck at sales – They’re too cowardly to break rapport!
And just like the spineless salesman who is too scared to take a deal off the table, the agreeable man who won’t challenge a woman or stand up for himself comes off as a weakling who is unworthy of her time.
Newsflash – You can’t lose what you don’t have! The handful of men who are successful with women know two things – 1. In the majority of cases, you will have to break rapport at some point in order to activate the masculine – feminine polarity at the very core of attraction, and 2. the essence of attraction amounts to little more than getting a woman to emotionally invest in the interaction.
Whether the emotion is positive or negative is irrelevant because attraction doesn’t have a thing in the world to do with “liking” someone.
If you have found yourself falling victim to of any of these 10 socially-programmed misconceptions, you might want to stop using sitcoms with gay writers like Sex and The City as your guide to what women want or how a man should act – and hire a coach, instead.